Welcome to another Wednesday-night cornucopia of commenting goodness. This is the reality show live blog where (starting at 10 Eastern) everyone can join in — even ignorant folks who think a vinaigrette is an emulsion. But while such people are welcome to participate, I think they are sadly misinformed: A vinaigrette is not an emulsion. I know this because Stefan says so. And who am I to argue with Stefan? Last week I picked him to win this whole thing, and so far he's making me look like a genius. Before we get started, a quick announcement: Remember that live blog rule I mentioned last week about not second-guessing the judges because, unlike them, we can't taste the food? I've decided to retract that, based on an epiphany I experienced after discovering a Bravotv.com feature called "rate the plate." There, site visitors can grade each dish from last week's episode on a scale of 1 to 5. Seeing this made me realize that I'd forgotten a key cultural norm of the new millennium: Judging something no longer requires actual knowledge of how good that thing is. If Maxim can give a two-star rating to a Black Crowes album they never heard, and Bravo can ask website visitors to rate food dishes they've never tasted … well, who am I to judge this new judging norm? So judge away, live bloggers! In fact, I just went to bravotv.com myself and rated all of last week's dishes, awarding my highest score to Eugene's "dry rub lamb with basmati sweet rice, tzatziki with tandoori glaze." I gave it a 4. It would have scored a perfect 5, but it looked like he used a tad too much salt. And while I was on Bravo's site, I also watched a few preview clips of tonight's episode. So here are a few "things to watch for" as we live-blog tonight:
- Fabio make hot dog. Fabio will say he has "no idea how make hot dog." And I know how Fabio feel. I have no idea how make live blog. But I make live blog. And Fabio make hot dog.
- Contestants will make lunch at Tom Colicchio's restaurant. This must be Craft on 19th Street. Ever eat there? If you do, here's a fun suggestion: If Colicchio actually comes to your table and asks how your meal was, just glare at him and say: "That was almost inedible. What were you thinking?" I'll bet he'd get a big kick out of that.
- Fire! Things will finally burst into flame. It's about time. Can "stew room" bleep-swearing fights be far behind?
By the way, here's a fun fact: A cocktail is an emulsion. So get ready to live blog, and while you're at it — get emulsified!