Oscar-winning Halle-smacker and notorious pressophobe Adrien Brody agreed to sit down with The Advocate for one of their Big Gay Following interviews—saucy, cheeky affairs that usually elicit a juicy pullquote or two. Well, after luring in the actor with a string of resume questions so obscure they would make James Lipton blush, the interviewer then went in for the kill. But Brody wasn't biting. Then things got really awkward, really quickly:
Is it true that a gay guy once slipped you a note asking you to meet him in the restroom for a quickie? Yeah, it was at an auto parts store, of all places. I’d forgotten about that, fortunately. Do guys still hit on you? I guess I’d be disappointed if they didn’t. What if a man had presented you with your Oscar instead of Halle Berry? Were you so wrapped up in the moment that you might have kissed him too? That’s a pretty silly question. No, obviously not. Part of the excitement was that it was a beautiful woman presenting me with such a beautiful moment in my life. Is there any actor for whom you would’ve made an exception? No. Let’s try another approach: For your next gay role, who’d you choose for your on-screen love interest? You want me to name an actor? No, I can’t answer that question, Brandon. See, you ask me how I deal with rumors, and I also have to deal with not adding fuel to them. Something that would be a completely innocuous comment on my part will be completely taken out of context by the next journalist, so I’d appreciate it if you were understanding about that. Have I put you in a bad mood? I’m still in a good mood, but I’m also a relatively serious person, so these questions are difficult for me. So I guess I shouldn’t ask if it’s true what they say about a man with a prominent nose? Why would you do that to somebody? You and I don’t know each other, right? We’re complete strangers, actually. I’m being respectful to you, so you have to extend the same courtesy. Oh, Adrien, it’s all in good fun. I’m trying to show your sense of humor here. I didn’t sign up for that.
Look, Advocate-guy: Brody ain't biting, OK? Perhaps you didn't get a good gander at his castle—fit for a vagina-loving Oscar-winner, and his very vagina-having girlfriend/princess. There's no flute-playing going on in this kingdom, got it? Just the lowering of drawbridges, and the riding of powerful steeds over them. Interview over.