Michael Jackson is a secret Muslim who is actually called Mikaeel, meaning angel of Allah, after the pop star rejected the name "Mustafa," which means chosen one. In a few days Jackson will appear in London court, where an Arab sheikh is suing him for seriously breaching a multi-million-dollar contract. Related? Who knows. The headline? "The Way You Mecca Me Feel." [Sun]
Georgina Bloomberg, daughter of the mayor and media mogul, may have nine horses and a BMW, but she's "not rich!" [P6]
Ivanka Trump has a book deal, because that's how things work, by which we mean "America is a meritocracy," as scribe Trump says. Better luck next time, underqualified struggling writers. [P6]
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are going into couples therapy, to try and stop the daily screaming matches, sometimes over Lohan's dancing with her "British bad-boy" ex.
Rosie O'Donnell had the nerve to say the ladies of the View didn't always get along so well, to which Barbara Walters replied, "Some people... have done this show and then for years feel they have to dump on it... I resent it... get on with your lives." That'll teach Rosie to call you divisive! [E!]
Oprah is going to have THEbest televised Kennedy Center Obama party. [ET]
You're two hours late to your show in Oberhausen, Germany. You run on stage and say WHAT, Kanye West? "I really need some pussy tonight!" [Sun]
Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson's spawn is a boy called "Bronx Mowgli Wentz," in case you're interested. [People]