Ann Coulter's mouth was literally wired shut. Though the "leggy reactionary" can't talk, it's safe to assume she'd blame liberals. [P6]
Paris Hilton was booed in a bar, because everyone collectively decided it is now time to viciously tear the starlet down. Just to make sure the last vestiges of dignity were truly eradicated, Hilton tried to win back ex Benji Madden, on the radio.
Paul McCartney again creepily offered to serenade Michelle Obama. [Sun]
Jermy Irons will learn to play the Irish fiddle in one of the most adorable and doomed reality shows ever devised. [Daily Star]
Now that the actresses have all signed on to a second Sex And The City movie, all that's left is for a team of writers to work feverishly to write a non-depressing movie about how these women are STILL ordering cosmos and talking about dating. [Daily Star]
Suri Cruise loves the paparazzi, and Tom Cruise knows it. [Daily Mail]