• Though they've broken up, social something-or-other Paris Hilton would still like to marry her rock n' roller friend Benji Madden. [Showbiz Spy]
• And screw weddings, says Jennifer Aniston! The Picture Perfect actor has turned down the proposal of her on-again-off-again beau John Mayer. [ShowbizSpy]
• Sad alien people Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and daughter Suri spent Earth Thanksgiving with British figurines David & Victoria Beckham, and their peculiarly named smaller editions. Everyone else is robots. [US]
• Shamed/glorified upscale call girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre (boner of governors!) just wants to share her music with the world. It's like a cross between Joan Osborne and a hooker caterwauling drunkenly in an Atlantic City alleyway. [P6]
• Irish brogue rogue actor Colin Farrell was denied sex by a sexy US Army Reservist who is descended from Afghani royalty. That's like when Edwin Booth was denied courtship by General Lee's fetching grandniece. Or, not at all. History! [P6]
• Onion story funny, true. [The Onion]

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