DC To Celebrate Change With Mass Public Intoxication

Washington DC is already the most fun place in the world, what with its many free museums, intoxicated douchebags in popped collars, and Sassiest Boy in America Ian Svenonius. But for one magic week, next month, when the city is choked with hundreds of thousands more tourists than usual, you will be able to drink all night long. The DC City Council approved a 5 a.m. bar close!

This was emergency legislation, because otherwise how would the massive mobs of people coming to DC to mill around and smell the hope get properly lubricated? The current DC bar close is a pathetic 2 a.m., forcing people to continue drinking at their homes (or on the national mall and at various monuments) at a criminally early point in the evening. But from January 17 through the morning after Hopey's Inaugural bars will serve until the sun comes up, and then they'll continue serving again, a few hours later. Thanks, Obama!

(The trains will run until 2 a.m. the night after the inaugural, which is still 2 hours better than usual. God that town sucks.)