As many times as we heard it from that filthy, bearded man standing outside the Farmers Market with a big sign (Alan Rosenberg—is that you?), we never really believed the Pop Culture Apocalypse would soon be upon us. Well—we guess we were wrong! Try not to panic as its four horsemen—Nicolas Cage with a suspiciously luscious head of wizard-hair, Jay Baruchel conducting a broom army, Russell Brand getting his naughty bits scrubbed by an Oscar-winning manservant, and Rowdy Dwayne Johnson—ride in after the breaking of the seventh remake, followed thereafter by the arrival of the beastly Endtime Ruler (Kathleen Turner). Your coverage awaits!