Multiple Nominees Coldplay, Lil Wayne Lead the Charge Into Grammy Hell

The pungent scent of hot sulphur at Defamer HQ this morning can mean only one thing: Grammy Hell is bearing down on us, heralded as well by hosts Taylor Swift, LL Cool J and the rest of the wailing demon legion populating last night's first-ever primetime nomination special at the Nokia Theater. And what did their baleful cries portend? We're gonna get more Coldplay performance art!

The British quartet fell one nod short of rapper Lil Wayne's eight Grammy nominations, with their Viva La Vida and Tha Carter III (respectively, we think) facing Radiohead, Ne-Yo and Robert Plant and Alison Krauss for Album of the Year honors. Jay-Z, Ne-Yo and Kanye West followed with six nominations each, virtually none of whom will compete against the more formidable artistry of Jason Mraz ("I'm Yours"), Adele ("Chasing Pavements"), M.I.A. ("Paper Planes"), Sara Bareilles ("Love Song"), Estelle ("American Boy") and Leona Lewis ("Bleeding Love"), who will all vie for either/or/both the prizes for Song and Record of the Year.

And finally, providing the flaming beacon around which Pop-Culture Satan's vast armies have begun their bloodthirsty convergence, The Jonas Brothers are the runaway favorites to claim the year's Bew New Artist award — after three albums. (The Emanuel Brothers, though? Snubbed!) They humbly accepted their nomination in front of millions on Wednesday night:

"I can't believe we're here today, onstage," Kevin Jonas said backstage. "We've always dreamed of being recognized for being artists," Joe Jonas said. Brother Nick Jonas added, "I think what's been very important for us is the songwriting."

In fairness, we've already established that their singing and their style are clearly subordinate, so hey — why not? May their Grammy mascotry lead us all to a more melodic, creative Apocalypse for all. And pass the vodka.