Barack Obama's not so hot after all. I mean, his podium hates women. Angry ladies around the nation are already hanging up on him! At least he has a cabinet of hotties that we can ogle (even though some of them no longer have beards).
Oh, forget it. We're just gonna start to learn to love George W. Bush.
City Slickers III: The Mystery Of Tina Fey's Scarcame to an end. And now that we know all is OK with that, we can start admitting that she seems kinda mean.
While his wife was getting smeared, Rupert Murdoch made a gross buttsex joke. Anderson Cooper shifted uncomfortably, trying to think of anything but buttsex (heh) while swimming with Michael Phelps.
Innocence grew up and skipped town on Gossip Girl, Top Chef was Creme Brulame, and The Hills taught us a terrible lesson in American history.
O.J. Simpson, star of the Naked Gun films, went softly into the good prison. Meanwhile, tweeny bop Facebook hackers remain at large.
That hockey-playin' Vogue intern got suspended from his team for calling someone "sloppy seconds," while Hillary Clinton might not be eligible at all for her sorry seconds Sec. of State jorb.
Everyone. Everywhere. Got. Laid off.
But who cares about all those anonymous fools. Our own talented and fabulous Sheila McClear was let go, and we'll always be upset about it. This economy is sucky and ugly. What's not sucky and ugly, not hardly, not at all? Sheila's underwear. She (and her delicates) will be with us for another couple of weeks, then she'll be stepping out into the starry unknown. Where great success and happiness undoubtedly await her. And hopefully some puppies, too.