Beware Of Good News

Just because we're in the midst of an apocalypse, people these days like to say, "Oh, the media is so negative. What about the good news?" Here's some good news: shut up. Times are bad, and if there's one thing the media loves, it's bad times, because bad times= lots of NEWS. Though the media does prefer bad times that don't involve media layoffs. Regardless, the important thing here is that bad news is not what you have to fear. Be scared when you start to see the good news. That's when you know the end is nigh.

A *scientific* quote in David Carr's column today sums up the bad news backlash:

"There are studies on bank runs, and it shows that people who know others who have taken their money out of the bank are much more likely to do it as well," he said. "We always overshoot the upside and, because of the same contagious effects, we overshoot the downside. Everything is fine, and then all of the sudden we are looking for water and supplies to ride out the coming storm."

For this reason, people don't like bad news. All this bad news just perpetuates itself! Just like in the Iraq war: the reason we haven't won yet is all the negativity from the media. Why don't they tell us about how the Army built a new well, rather than just telling us about the insurgents who subsequently turned that well into a weapons cache, leading to hundreds of deaths? (BIAS).

But listen, because this is very important: don't worry about bad news. The thing about bad news is that it tells you right up front, "Things are bad." At least you'll be prepared when you go out into the horrific world and find that, yes, things are bad.

Not so with good news. You know when there was really good news about the economy, for example? When they were pumping up this huge bubble that recently popped and destroyed us all. You know when reporters deliver happy news from war zones? When they have been kidnapped, and are being prodded by a machine gun-toting terrorist standing just off-camera.

Good news can only get worse. [Pic via]