Gambling is the future of the media! Newspapers aren't much good to anybody looking to make a buck off investing in their stock—but that doesn't mean that you can't make your newspaper fortune through sweet, sweet gambling, come on now seven seven seven baby need a new pair of shoes, yea! After the jump, we've listed the half-dozen most famous economically challenged papers in the country, along with our official odds for their long-term survival. Place your bets, and give 5% to the house:
The Los Angeles Times
The problem: Its parent company may be declaring bankruptcy soon.
Odds of survival: Even. There are enough billionaires in LA with big egos that one of them is probably willing to subsidize it for the sake of their own legacy.
The Boston Globe
The problem: Plummeting value; is obviously the unwanted youngest child of its parent company.
Odds of survival: 3-2. Will likely survive (barely), but could also be gutted to an embarrassing extent.
The Miami Herald
The problem: Recently put up for sale by debt-laden McClatchy.
Odds of survival: 2-1. If you do not consider a two-page weekly digest of Dave Barry and Carl Hiaasen columns to be "survival," we lower its odds to 3-1.
The Rocky Mountain News
The problem: Scripps threatening to shut it down if it can't find a buyer soon.
Odds of survival: 10-1. Has no compelling reason to exist (Denver will still have its Post), and will not be bought, barring a Powerball win by a top editor.