As we learned last week, the Canadian "government" just collapsed, thanks in part to the queen. Having an unstable failed state right on top of America is obviously an untenable situation. So we're calling in the Air Force! Starting in January, unmanned Predator drones will take off from Grand Forks, North Dakota and patrol the northern U.S. border, protecting us all from sleazy Canadian foot-severing terrorists. This is obviously an important part of the war on terror and not just a colossal waste of resources. [AP/Google]

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at .