Hit-Starved Fox to Bring 9-Year-Old Casanova's 'Gag Gift' to Screen

This holiday season, what do you give the shy, socially awkward single man who has everything but a girlfriend? One publisher is betting he'll crave seduction techniques by 9-year-old Alec Greven, the author of the slim new volume How to Talk to Girls. And beyond that, 20th Century Fox will see Greven's book deal and raise it a movie option. Commence sobbing, all you script-hoarding baristas!

We looked into it, and apparently "Alec Greven" is someone who actually exists — a Colorado elementary-school student who first sold the self-help guide to his classmates as a $3 pamphlet. HarperCollins picked it up for release as a 46-page hardcover late last month, after which time corporate cousin Fox confirmed it had acquired the option for a film we're sure Greven is attached to adapt, direct, and probably star in as himself.

What could go wrong? Or at least any more wrong than Meet Dave? After alll, Greven is a little too young and sincere to hate on in a Neil Strauss-ian monster-cad kind of way, and even critics who say Girls amounts to little more than a "gag gift" acknowledge we could all learn from the child's seductive stylings — such as:

On relationships: "Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you. Life is hard, move on! Or sometimes it just doesn't work out. I had a crush on a girl in preschool. Then my family had to move, so I had to let her wash out of my mind."

On having a crush: "Many boys get crushes on girls. But it can be very hard to get a girl to like you. Sometimes it takes years! Whatever happens, just don't act desperate. [...] Wait until middle school to try to get her to love you. Otherwise, you have to hold on to her for a long time and that would be very hard. Tip: Most boys in elementary school can hold on to a girl for only 30 days."

We smell franchise! And wait until all those Reader critics gets a hold of this one.