Friendless Bernie Madoff to Suffer under Penthouse Arrest

The courts are doing everything possible to make this nasty legal situation comfortable for Hedge Fund Hustler Bernie Madoff, who after all only set billions of dollars on fire. Stay home and rest, Bernie:

Prosecutors just struck a deal allowing Madoff to have home arrest, rather than jail, until his trial. Um. That will certainly be applauded by the thousands and thousands of Americans incarcerated for years on minor drug violations! Hey, it's not like he stole a T-shirt from Wal-Mart or anything! But the judge did set these strenuous terms:

Madoff and his luxury apartment on Manhattan's upper east side will be fitted with an electronic monitoring device by the court's pre-trial services and Madoff will be under a curfew of between 7 p.m. through 9 a.m.

You monsters. A humorous legal side issue was the fact that Bernie couldn't find four people to sign to guarantee his bail bond, because his own sons refused. No shit, dude! So the judge graciously said he only needed two people to sign, instead. The presiding judge in this case is Ned Flanders.