Entourage Star Overdoses On, Uh, Mercury

Jeremy Piven can't make any more curtain calls because he was poisoned with (ahem) "mercury," people are assualting Bernie Madoff's broker now and tender meat reuintes J.Lo and Mark Anthony.

  • Hard-partying Jeremy Piven suddenly quit his Broadway play three months early after flaking on two shows, citing mercury poisoning. David Mamet wasn't buying that excuse: "My understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer." [Variety]
  • Bernie Madoff's recruiter was nearly punched, for showing up at a party. It seems he took commissions on now-worthless investments that were likely fraudulent. Wall Street people, who apparently do not believe payback is fair play, were very offended. [P6]
  • There were rumors that Mark Anthony and Jennifer Lopez wanted to see other vacant people, because they were bored, so the couple staged a public, romantic dinner involving "feeding each other Wagyu Kobe meatballs." Feeding each other tender balls. Is that a metaphor for something? So subtle, these Hollywood stars.
  • For once, someone was drunkenly falling into Lindsay Lohan, instead of the other way around. [Reuters]
  • Britney Spears has reportedly been wanting to get back together with Kevin Federline, but Federline would rather hook up with this hottie from his bowling team. [Sun]
  • Neal Boulton and his wife made out with the same guy in public (yawn), and Boulton didn't even bother to use a fake name when he called in the "tip" to Page Six. [P6]