'I wish to have a application for the lady who you speak about.'

Hello. My name is Joshua David Stein and I am here to recruit you in a quest to find Padma Lakshmi's true love. Stay tuned for your regular Top Chef recap.

When we last biopsied the inbox, Padma's hopeful Romeos fell into two categories: those whose sexism was only rivaled by their tasteless racism and those whose self-righteousness was rivaled by their hypocrisy. This week however, this viral love, this magic moment, has finally filtered to the genuinely lovelorn, those souls who can only find satisfaction and recompense in the eyes of Ms. Lakshmi. Padma—if you are out there, if you even exist—heed these words, for they are the messy vulnerable outpourings of the human heart. [Confidential: Also, PL, email me ]

From Sam:

I would like to start by saying that Padma is my soulmate. I feel the vibration of it as I'm considering this. Her soft lilting tones, her beautiful figure, and her soft feminine face are only the tip of the iceberg in my analysis of this....It's like in the movie Good Will Hunting, man, seriously...I would seriously leave my girlfriend just to spend one hour of rejection with that woman....I don't know what else to tell you, man, and I'm not going to beg - nor do I really believe that anything will come from this. Nonetheless, I am going to put my will into this message, and hope you realize that it's going to happen with you or without you.

From Chris:

I am a 28 yr old single male who works at starbucks...I am just now learning how lucky I am, to be raised to respect a lady for who she is..a woman with is irreplacable, a priceless jewel who can be treated with great care. I wish to have a application for the lady who you speak about, i know she is very cute. But i want to treat her with great care and love. Please send the application to: XXXXX@XXXX.com, i would date her first, and see where it goes.