Jeremy Piven Willing to Contract Any Disease That Will Get Him Off Broadway

Hollywood community, Jeremy Piven is very disappointed in you. Why have you refrained from rallying around the actor as he suffers so dearly from mononucleosis... er, we mean "self-inflicted sushi poisoning"?

According to TMZ, Piven's sushi excuse (which we suppose should warn us off spicy tuna forever but only makes us hungrier every time we type it) was only the latest malady Piven claimed to have in order to get out of performing David Mamet's Speed-the-Plow on Broadway. And who leaked this information to the gossip website? Oh, only one of the show's producers, all of whom clearly hate him now.

Before Jeremy Piven ditched his Broadway show due to sushi-related mercury poisoning, producers say the actor was worried he was suffering from mononucleosis — the dreaded kissing disease.

The show's producer tells TMZ Piven had complained of illnesses from the beginning of the show's run in October. First, says the producer, Piven reported "low-level mono." After that, Piven told producers he was worried he might have Epstein-Barr virus. The final diagnosis, as his doctor stated publicly, was mercury poisoning from a two-a-day raw fish habit.

TMZ also spoke to Piven's barbell-loving MD, Dr. Carlton Coker, who confirmed the Epstein-Barr diagnosis. Sadly, blood tests ruled out also-ran viruses like "cow pox," "fainting disease," "the vapors," and a mysterious debilitation that can only be cured by a controversial dose of Hollywood clubbing.