Hey, thanks for coming. Have a seat. We need to talk about what happened last night. We're not mad, we're just concerned. OK, we're sort of mad. Mad enough to kill.

It's a beautiful snowy Friday so it's time for a couple of executions. That thread up there that we linked to? We don't know what the fuck was going on but it needs to be broken up. Fighting and conspiracy theories are no good for anyone. So unfortunately we're going to have to shut down a few of you:

Executed: Whoever this person is. Glitter Panda? Minsley Tortimer? We don't know.

Executed: Minsley Tortimer We think? Or is this an impostor? Again, we can't figure it out. So you're both dead. And so is that screenname. No more of it. You guys fought over it and now it's broken and now no one can have it.

Executed: Bring It On
The Crime: Rightly calling it lame for people to exhaustively fight over a commenter name, but then going on to comment some 13 more times about the thing that is so lame is probably lamer than the actual thing that was lame to begin with.

Executed: iplaudius
The Crime: Excessive use of blinky tag. Not allowed! Also, for making that same long, blinky comment four hundred times.

That's it! Let their corpses be a lesson to the rest of you.

Oh, and seriously. Any Minsley Tortimer we see again—whether they be real, fake, or some sad something in the middle—will be executed on sight. This ends today.