BREAKING: Brad Pitt Still Not in Danger

A few months after Brad Pitt's security detail evacuated him from a perfectly safe Toronto hotel, TMZ sends late word that the actor is once again not threatened by an emergency near his L.A. home.

In a grippingly dramatic report headlined "Ambulance Not Called to Brad Pitt's House," a rep for the actor confirmed that not only are he and his family healthy, but that an emergency vehicle arriving in Pitt's neighborhood on Thursday was actually summoned by a neighbor. The paramedics took away an unconscious 100-year-old man, and Brad, as TMZ takes pains to note, only celebrated his
45th birthday yesterday
.

There is an uncanny Benjamin Button analogue in here somewhere, but just to recap, preferably with newsy Morse Code sound effects underneath: Brad Pitt did not call an ambulance, did not leave his house in an ambulance, and is not 100 years old. This concludes this test of the Emergency Broadcast System.