In a grippingly dramatic report headlined "Ambulance Not Called to Brad Pitt's House," a rep for the actor confirmed that not only are he and his family healthy, but that an emergency vehicle arriving in Pitt's neighborhood on Thursday was actually summoned by a neighbor. The paramedics took away an unconscious 100-year-old man, and Brad, as TMZ takes pains to note, only celebrated his
45th birthday yesterday.
There is an uncanny Benjamin Button analogue in here somewhere, but just to recap, preferably with newsy Morse Code sound effects underneath: Brad Pitt did not call an ambulance, did not leave his house in an ambulance, and is not 100 years old. This concludes this test of the Emergency Broadcast System.