Alaska Woman Bucks Trend, Sells Oxycontin Instead of Cooking Meth

Good news: the mother of Sarah Palin's daughter's boyfriend was not arrested for meth. No, Sherry Johnston was arrested for oxycontin. What wonderful communities our small towns are.

Sherry Johnston, mother of Levi Johnston, who we are pretty sure is still being forced to marry the chick he knocked up even though the Palins will not be headed to the White House, faces six felony counts: "second-degree misconduct involving a controlled substance - generally manufacturing or delivering drugs - as well as fourth-degree misconduct involving controlled substances, or possession."

Wasilla is Alaska's Meth Capital, so kudos to Sherry Johnston for shaking it up with prescription pills instead of the crystal.

This is a sad and not-at-all entertaining story of broke-ass bored trashy people in a miserable unhealthy little sprawling town using and selling drugs to briefly escape the dull pain of their shitty lives, and it would not be news that the mother of a high school dropout who's marrying some idiot girl he impregnated was arrested for using drugs except that at some point we were all instructed to admire these exalted Real Americans. The Republicans were sort of right, these people are representative of America's small towns, and that is why as a whole we decided to elect the smart, educated, well-off urbanite aspirational black couple from Chicago instead of the angry Vietnam veteran and the scary PTA moron-bitch with the fucked-up family.

Now, in Barack Obama's New America, these white trash hillbillies will be rounded up and sent to work in "Green Jobs" Internment Camps, or something.