Bush Issues Bizarre Pardons To No One Currently Serving Time

A dead man and 18 others currently not in prison received coveted pardons from President Bush today, as he continues to just fuck with us on his way out of office.

First up, Robert Truman Reece, who was convicted, in 1949, of "unauthorized absence" and "unauthorized absence; missing ship's movement." And he paid his dues:

Sentence: 1: Oct. 12, 1949; 15 days of confinement, 30 days of extra police duties and forfeiture of $15 pay per month for six months. 2: Nov. 28, 1949; six months of probation. 3: Sept. 21, 1950; forfeiture of $30 pay per month for two months and a bad conduct discharge. 1, 2 and 3: U.S. Navy court-martial.

Well. now Mr. Reece's record is clean. Among the others pardoned include Charles Winters, who was also arrested in 1949 (!?) for trying to ship arms to Zionists in Palestine. He served 18 months in prison and died in 1980. But now he's exonerated! Hero!

The rest? A motley assortment of drug-distributors, defrauders, counterfeiters, and this guy:

Eric Charles Blanke - Parker, Colo.

Offense: Making impressions of obligations of the United States; 18 U.S.C. § 474.

Sentence: July 21, 1995; Southern District of California; three years of probation conditioned on performance of 50 hours of community service.

How did Bush select these people? And why? He drunkenly paged through "the big book of random people who briefly served time in the '90s," that's how.

There was one commutation of sentence. It went to a guy facing life in prison for possession of meth.