It's that time of year, when a young website's thoughts turn to listicles! Please come on an incredible journey with us as we recount the most insane, star-on-star fights Hollywood had to offer in 2008:
Baldwin vs. Garcia: In which 30 Rock star Alec Baldwin belittled his Thursday night brethren, mocking NBC for running hourlong episodes of My Name is Earl when the show is "done" and "cooked." In response, Earl creator Greg Garcia told Defamer that Baldwin was a"psychotic narcissist" who can't do math. Burn?
Olsen vs. Pratt: In which Mary-Kate Olsen ragged on former high school classmate Spencer Pratt while on Letterman (left). Why? Because Pratt sold a photo of Olsen to the tabloids back when they were teenagers. Publicity-whoring kids—they start so early these days!
Fanning vs. Woods: In which Dakota Fanning's attempt to portray herself as a normal cheerleader was thwarted by her Winged Creatures director Rowan Woods, who called her a "disaster" on set. One steely glance from the 14-year-old, however, and he took it all back in an email to Defamer.
Emanuel vs. Silverman: In which Endeavor head honcho Ari Emanuel told "high as a kite" NBC playboy Ben Silverman to tone down his carousing and meeting-missing. He did no such thing (Beijing Ben answers to no one!) and was summarily ripped a new one by Emanuel in the executive dining room at Universal.
Blonsky vs. Golden: In which Hairspray star Nikki Blonsky threw down with Top Model castoff Bianca Golden at an airport in Turks and Caicos. Instead of learning lessons of racial harmony through song and dance, Blonsky kicked Golden's mom in the vagina. No amount of pudenda glitter is going to cover that bruise.
Letterman vs. McCain: In which also-ran presidential candidate incurred the awesome wrath of David Letterman by ditching his guest appearance to chat with Katie Couric down the street. Lesson learned: don't mess with Letterman. Also: maybe the McCain/Palin ticket shouldn't do interviews with Katie Couric.
The, uh...let's not use the word "Retarded" vs. Tropic Thunder: In which DreamWorks was forced to yank a Tropic Thunder tie-in website for insensitivity to the mentally handicapped. Literally dozens protested the film's Westwood premiere, dressed in "Retardbusters" t-shirts that went ironically on sale at the Y-Que the very next day.
Piven vs. Mamet: In which a bored Jeremy Piven attempted to escape his Broadway duties by fishing around for an excuse to explain away his "fatigue," eventually settling on a reality TV doctor/bodybuilder who would diagnose his problems as the symptoms of an "avid sushi eater." David Mamet spoke for all of the Great White Way when he suggested that Piven undertake a new career.
Rudin vs. Weinstein: In which a cash-strapped, hit-deficient Harvey Weinstein bumped The Reader up to a 2008 slot, which left director Stephen Daldry little time to finish the film, put Kate Winslet in a difficult promotional jam, and induced tyrannical superproducer Scott Rudin to yank his name off the picture. Still waiting on that $1 million donation, Harve!
Hasselbeck vs. Behar & Defamer: In which the on-air arguments by professional shrieker Elisabeth Hasselbeck spilled backstage, where several Defamer operatives lay in wait. This led to a through-the-looking-glass moment where, after years of covering The View's hot topics, Defamer itself became the hot topic. It also led to the banning of poorly designed campaign t-shirts on ABC, forcing Hasselbeck to find refuge in pirate blouses and a spiked mug filled with coffee and everclear. We'll have what she's having—in 2009, we're gonna need it.