Tom Cruise bought a special car to ward off anti-Scientology protesters and other agents of Xenu; Britney Spears can ward off the blues with the sari from her new boyfriend.

• Tom Cruise drives around in a bomb-proof vehicle, supposedly, because he believes anti-Scientology protesters want to kill him. He also believes he is following in the footsteps of a Galactic Confederacy faction that rebelled against an alien tyrant named Xenu who ruled the galaxy for 82 trillion years. So maybe take his threat assessments with a grain of salt.
• Here's Katie Holmes no longer looking like a zombie, although the Daily Mail's parenthetical is correct: "Shame about the shorts." [Mail]
• Britney Spears is now rumored dating the Bollywood dancer who choreographed her Womanizer video, and who she met at a party thrown by Madonna. Supposedly they've already been to India. Spears was previously rumored to be alternately crushing hard on ex-husband Kevin Federline or ex-boyfriend-and-paparazzo Adnan Ghalib. [Mirror]
• Former editor-from-hell Joe Dolce, now a flack, has taken on client-from-hell Heather Mills. This'll be fun! [P6]
• Toby Young, who wrote that book about his stint at Vanity Fair, is trying to start a charter school in Britain. [WWD]
• There's a big uproar in Britain because Prince Edward may have wacked one of his hunting dogs with his walking stick. The pheasant he shot dead could not be reached for comment. [Mail]
• Rebecca Jarvis may owe her CNBC job to Donald Trump, but she has the good sense not to mention this publicly, except when absolutely necessary. [P6]
• Drew Barrymore hooked up with Jason Segel, 28. But she's like 33, so whatever, right? What's with the cougar pawprint, X17? [X17]

Send an email to Ryan Tate, the author of this post, at ryan@gawker.com.