We hope your NYE was as joyous, wasted, and overstuffed as ours was, and your First Hangover of 2009—which felt like a tiny monkey putting up drywall inside our skull—has abated.

We did make sure to tune in for a few minutes of CNN's unlikely Times Square correspondent team, with Anderson Cooper once again playing glass-closeted Dean Martin to Kathy Griffin's fag-hag Jerry Lewis. They seemed to be having a gay old time in the sub-zero temperatures—in the few minutes we caught leading up to the ball-drop, Kathy was pledging to pull Anderson's pants down at the stroke of midnight, and her scandalized partner was giggling with delight. Yup, it all seemed under control.

Apparently we missed the money-shot, however, which involved Griffin shouting back to an off-camera heckler, "You know, I don't go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth!" as the show cut to commercial. Will this remark hasten the end of the Cooper & Griffin comedy era? Probably, but we hope not. In fact, they'd be smart to dump the atrociously unfunny D.L. Hughley Breaks the News, and give these two the slot—maybe promoted ad nauseam with the tagline, "The Best Heckler-Shaming Team on Television."


For contrast, we flipped channels between that and ABC to watch Dick Clark's final Rockin' Eve address. Getting old sucks. Happy 2009, Dick. You're a legend, and as far as we're concerned you should be able to ring in the New Year as long as you want to, even if you're just a brain suspended in a ball jar with an LED crawl underneath relaying your wishes that we have "the rockingest 2047 ever!"