Hollywood Stars Absolved of Vagina-Kicking, Drugged Driving

Being a celebrity is a double-edged sword: you're often more likely to find yourself involved in ridiculous, well-publicized crime, but at least it's easy to get acquitted!

This is the happy realization today for two of Hollywood's most recently beleaguered actresses. First, TMZ reports that Heather Locklear has had her DUI case dismissed thanks to the help of mega lawyer Blair Berk, who also negotiated an 84-minute jail stay for Lindsay Lohan last year. Despite the fact that the actress was found to be under the influence of prescription drugs, the judge waved that little infraction away so that Locklear could plea no contest to reckless driving, which mandates three years of informal probation, a $700 fine, and a 12-hour drug education course. Sadly, all of Denise Richards's plotting has come to naught.

Also cleared of wrongdoing are Hairspray star Nikki Blonsky and Top Model castoff Bianca Golden, whose Caribbean family blowout left more than a few egos and vaginas bruised. Both women have had the cases against them dropped, says Us. However, Blonsky's father still faces assault charges, on account of not being famous.