Happy New Year, folks—or, as English-torturing songstress Courtney Love might blog it, "HAPPPPPY happy yr NEW happy." Love has posted a brand-new pair of wildly accusatory Myspace entries. Can we decipher them?
Love's first salvo came last night and was entitled, "peta etc whose that girl with the big boobies?/RICO statutes." As one could no doubt infer from the title's ingenious blending of high and low culture, the entry was principally concerned with extending Love's feud with the Kardashian family, as well as examining the identity thieves who have embezzled from her. There are also segments like this:
my mortgage fraud strikes me as not only New York NJ GA TX and PA and CT problems, its very very much a California problem, weve got 27 legitimate Cobains in the USA and no "Kobanes"Kobains" o otherwise, yet i have over 9800 deeds , and theyre all the tip of the iceberg because my mac is so hacked when i get a piece of data it changes so now curtiss leeorthmann is KELLY RIPA
Kelly r IPA
IPA KELLY CONSUELAS IPPA
Ripa Kelly w
to a computer like at experian that "-" is a z or an r, its a etter, so Curtiss is Kelly Ipa Ripa i didnt take her for a soho gal 16 spring? 76 crosby? endless arkansas properties?
As best we can tell by running this through our Courtney Love Translator (which has begun to raise a feeble white flag, and yet we press on), Love's legal troubles inspired her to go on a real estate feedback loop, where she researched the real estate holdings of one Ms. Kelly Ripa. We'll take her word on "16 spring" and the "endless arkansas properties," but a Google search reveals that Ripa does reside at "16 spring" (along with Gawker Media overlord Nick Denton!). We would suggest that Ripa immediately confer with her doorman in case a dessicated singer should show up in flapper rags at 3am, ready to watch True Blood and bash Madonna.
Then, this morning, Love's "Myspace Administrator" posted another blog entry announcing a delay of her upcoming album, which apparently was due to be released online today. The culprits? Ghosts and hip-hop artists!
The Studio that Courtney and her band were using to record had some paranormal technical issues and had to be moved from one studio to another studio right around the holidays due to some technical sound issues that everyone, including Beinhorn who is a master and a genius was not happy with. Courtney and crew could not hear between guitars. Sound and vocal mixings have to be completed still to perfection.
if Courtney had it her way she would have it the studios sound checked first but it was originally use as a hip hop rap studio so the acoustics were all fucked up.
The Artwork is pretty much done..Courtney has 30 million dollars in sponsorships,
from a prominent feminine hygiene/menstrual company and a prominent tequila company ??? and Courtney doesn't even understand that part!
Nor do we, "Courtney Love's Myspace Administrator." Nevertheless, we eagerly anticipate the release of Love's next album, Jose Cuervo Presents: Kotex.