How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps

It was inevitable from the moment Gwyneth Paltrow named her website "Goop" that it would come to this: advice from the movie star on bowel movements. Stop reading now.

Paltrow likes to starve — sorry, "detox" — herself once or twice a year. To "lose a few pounds" of "excess." Excess you can totally see in the November 14 picture above.

Last year's "cleanse" made Gwyneth hallucinate ("in a bad way") and may have damaged her liver. Goops! So Gwyneth, a dynamic and growing being of wisdom, decided to consult a doctor in advance this year.

He suggested yoga, sweating, "whole organic foods" and (apparently) a diet of vegetable purees, smoothies, "lemon water," "coconut water," "a handful of... pumpkin and sunflower seeds," "a handful of blueberries," you get the idea.

Also: Regular gooping. I mean pooping. Hell, why not both?! Let's have Gwyneth tell us about it:

If your bowel movements get sluggish, you can accelerate things by drinking half a cup of castor oil or using a mild herbal laxative. Bowel elimination is paramount for correct detoxification.

Also, further down:

Next week my fitness guru, Tracy Anderson, gives us an exclusive video to get our butt in shape for the new year!

That's nice, Gwyneth, but(t) this isn't why they call it "the Long Tail ." You're doing it wrong!

[via HuffPo]