Job Hunting Grows Ever More Cutthroat

As the mobs of newly unemployed people tire of eating squirrel, they determine to do anything necessary to land that next job. Even if it means cheating on the world's easiest "personality test":

If you ever worked at a crappy retail job for some massive corporation, you've probably had the pleasure of filling out one of those tests designed, I assume, to screen out brain damaged serial killers and only brain damaged serial killers. Those "personality" tests, where you rank how much you agree with statements like "Stealing is fun sometimes" or "Violence is a good way to solve work disputes." Well now people are going online to find the right answers to these things, and memorizing them. I don't know if that's a sadder testament to the workers or the workplace:

Statement: "You have to give up on some things that you start." Suggested response from the cheat sheet: "Strongly disagree."

Another statement: "Any trouble you have is your own fault." Suggested response: "Strongly agree."

But also:

Whole Foods Market Inc. dropped the test, partly because applicants for jobs preparing foods "would pass the screening test and then get on the job and did not have the skills to prepare basic sauces," says a spokeswoman. Kronos says its assessments "are personality-based, not skills-based."

The only usefulness of these tests is that if you're not smart enough to pass easily or cheat to pass, you have no business holding a job. Shockingly, people are also gaming Facebook friends in order to look for jobs. Your only true friend now is your online personality test cheat sheet.