For years, the likes of Hannah Montana and the Jonas Bros. have ruled the kiddie icon market. No more. Soon, heterosexual boys will have their own channel full of crappy Disney tween characters from hell.

Disney corporate executives noticed that they weren't wringing enough revenue out of the souls of young boys, so they're rebranding an entire station for them called Disney XD, with such (future) classic boy shows as "Aaron Stone," starring a kid "who was for a time a barista at a Starbucks down the street from Disney Channel headquarters." What you need to know is that this is maybe the best sentence from a business news story yet this year:

"[blah blah blah] collaborate on original programming and other sports-themed topics for Disney XD. (Disney says the letters don't refer to anything.)"

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle. Bring back GI Joe. [WSJ]