Sarah Palin Is Not Following Our Advice

After election day, we gave Sarah Palin a simple five-step plan for her future success. But today, she continues to spend her time insulting bloggers and SNL. Time for an advice update. Listen, Sarah:

We clearly stated in our advice to you: Your future is in the media. In it! Do you know the least effective way to succeed in the media? By spending your time insulting the media! (Unless you're a blogger. But you hate bloggers too!). Today Esquire released portions of an interview you did with them, designed to make you look bad, which you make easy for them. Like so:

"Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me....I'll tell you, yesterday the Anchorage Daily News, they called again to ask — double-, triple-, quadruple-check — who is Trig's real mom. And I said, Come on, are you kidding me? We're gonna answer this? Do you not believe me or my doctor? And they said, No, it's been quite cryptic the way that my son's birth has been discussed. And I thought, Okay, more indication of continued problems in the world of journalism."

You also said, about liking our national anthem, "That's an alikeness between Alaskans and New Yorkers."

You see Sarah, it's clear that you cannot help but to say risible sentences that make you sound like an amusing, bitter dunce. The only way to avoid this is to talk less. That means no interviews for Esquire, which is obviously a member of the very liberal media conspiracy you so decry. It also means no more video interviews with friendly conservative nuts, because they will be posted on YouTube and mocked by the liberal media and its hated blog cohorts! Just shut the fuck up already. Do governor things, why don't you?

And while you're at it, get started on our recommendations! Those fashion endorsements for Wal-Mart and the Ladies Home Journal column are great ways to get your name in the press with a minimum chance of being asked any political questions. This is what you need right now! Why do you continue to reject us, Sarah? We are your friends. You will discover this the easy way (embracing us) or the hard way (doing what you are doing now).

And have you even started on the affair? [Pic: Faithmouse.com]