Celebrity lesbian nexus Courtenay Semel has escalated her scorched-earth game to a stunning, literal new level, reportedly ending a fight with an ex by torching the woman's hair.

We can't make it up, and we doubt Page Six would either: The revelation followed word that Casey Johnson has recently adopted a butchy new post-inferno coiffure since last visiting Semel — a meeting which itself followed another Johnson fight with her current girlfriend. A surge of "dumb fuck"-calling no doubt culminated in a climactic Google-Off during which Semel's name mustered 15% of Johnson's 1.4 million hits, thus provoking Semel to flamethrowing fury:

[A source said] "Casey went to Courtenay's house, and Courtenay proceeded to beat the crap out of her, and then she lit her hair on fire. Casey had to be hospitalized." Casey's mother, Sale Johnson, reportedly flew to LA and consulted with lawyer Robert Shapiro. No one returned calls except Courtenay, whose father Terry Semel ran Yahoo for years. "There was a fight," Courtenay said. "But this is a major exaggeration. We are speaking."

We're optimistic this can work itself out, but Johnson may want to consider bodyguard accompaniment until then. There's a good security guard in Vegas looking for work, and as far as we know, he comes with a Semel restraining order already issued. Give him a ring.