Boy George Gets 15 Months For False Imprisonment Of A Whorewegian

Boy George has been sentenced to 15 months by a London judge, in a shocking climax to the Norwegian HustlerNapping Trial of the Century that for months has had a nation in its thrall.

The trial revealed that 28-year-old Scandinavian of the Night Audun Carlsen had shown up to the '80s pop star's East London flat, presumably for your run-of-the-mill, cocaine-fueled nude photography session. An enraged Boy returned from a ciggie-buying excursion convinced the hustler had tried to hack into his computer. With the help of a third party, they overpowered Carlsen and handcuffed him to a wall. Telling him, "Now you're going to get what you deserve," Boy whipped him with a metal chain. He then left the room briefly and returned dragging a box of leather straps and sex toys into the room, saying "Now you're going to get it." At that point, Carlsen broke the fixture he was cuffed to and escaped, getting swatted a few more times with the chain on his way out the door.

From the Guardian:

In an apparently accidental allusion to Culture Club's 1982 No 1 hit Heather Norton, for the prosecution, asked the jury during the trial: "Did he really have to hurt him?" [...]

Passing sentence at Snaresbrook crown court, east London, Judge David Radford said the singer's offence was "so serious that only an immediate sentence of imprisonment can be justified".

"Whilst I accept that Mr Carlsen's physical injuries were not serious or permanent, in my view there can be no doubt that your premeditated, callous and humiliating hand-cuffing and detention of Mr Carlsen shocked, degraded and traumatised." Carlsen, he added, had been "deprived of his liberty and his human dignity".

We leave you with these parting thoughts:

"War war is stupid
And people are stupid
And love means nothing
In some strange quarters."

- B. George.