New York Post Is Deadly Serious in Its War on Geese

Today's New York Post calls for death to all geese in New York City. Haha, we thought, until we remembered all the other funny Post front pages that got us into a war.

After the near-tragedy of Flight 1549, some crazy guy they found named Steve Garber thinks geese should be removed from New York City. Try rounding them up and moving somewhere else, the Post writes, but "If that's not feasible, Garber said, he sees nothing wrong with shooting them, poking holes in their eggs, shaking their eggs so the embryos are destroyed, wrecking their nests, or taking any number of other measures to eradicate the pesky and dangerous geese." If it goes like last time, they are totally serious and our local geese population is doomed.

Here's a brief history of the shameless front pages (or "woods" as they call them) the Post used to lead us into Iraq.

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New York Post Is Deadly Serious in Its War on Geese

Oct. 20, 2001 - In the media anthrax scare in the aftermath of Sept. 11 — when reports of white powder envelopes became a nearly daily occurence at places like the New York Times and ABC News — Post editorial assistant Johanna Huden was the only actual victim after she opened a letter containing the bacteria. She recovered, but the Post soon took up anthrax as one of the leading reasons for its call to begin bombing the shit out of Iraq. As Steve Dunleavy wrote two days later, "It is clear Osama bin Laden is just the preliminary to the main event," citing Saddam Hussein's "'Dr. Germ' - as the prime suspect behind the anthrax attack."

New York Post Is Deadly Serious in Its War on Geese

Jan. 24. 2003 - Who could forget this classic Post wood? The actual news here was that Secretary of State Colin Powell, yes him, was trying to get nations a bit more significant than Albanaia and Micronesia to join the "coalition of the willing" with macho name calling. Or as the Post put it: "In a sharp rebuke aimed at France and Germany, Secretary of State Colin Powell yesterday lashed out at countries that want to duck a showdown with Iraq, saying America will have plenty of friends in the foxhole without them."

New York Post Is Deadly Serious in Its War on Geese

Feb. 14, 2003 - For Valentine's Day that year the Post gave us this hilarious mock-up in which they Photoshopped weasel heads onto the French and German ambassadors to the U.N. You see, Colin Powell was getting ready for his famously wrong presentation at the U.N. in which he would show pictures of mobile germ factories and the like to convince us all that the world could only be a better place if the U.S. invaded Iraq. That worked out spectacularly.

New York Post Is Deadly Serious in Its War on Geese

December 7, 2006 - The first time the phrase "cheese-eating surrender surrender monkeys" (coined by Groundskeeper Willie on The Simpsons) appeared in the Post was on the day of the 2000 election when conservative columnist Rod Dreher used it to justify his idiotic preference for George W. Bush. When he won, it became a sort of favorite around the paper, especially to use against anyone who thought the Iraq War was a total fucking disaster. Including against such noted liberal radicals James Baker and Lee Hamilton who headed the Iraq Study Group when it agreed with the rest of the world that the U.S. ought to get out of Iraq as soon as possible.