Most of America has today off, but the stars never stop working on your future. Granted, the constellations might occasionally take a long lunch to return a dress, but they always feel guilty about it.
If today - January 19 - is your birthday: The snowy slopes of Park City aren't exactly melting from the heat generated by your indie comedy, but hold strong, a buyer will materialize eventually. It won't be the bidding war you hoped for, but $20,000 is a pretty fair price given the film's lack of star power, heart or original humor.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): Tomorrow is Inauguration Day, and while you couldn't make it to Washington for the festivities, you will be starting your own new position here in Los Angeles. In addition to faithfully executing the duties the studio has assigned, you will vow to preserve, protect and defend your right to use that casting director position to scare up tail.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): It doesn't happen often in Hollywood, but someone else's success will directly benefit you this week. With Paul Blart: Mall Cop owning the box office, your half-assed pitch about an overweight, clumsy Vons security guard suddenly has all kinds of traction.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20): You have a milestone birthday coming up, and instead of your usual weekend of binge drinking, thick coke rails and immediately forgotten hook-ups, why not work for one of those organizations that builds houses for needy people? You'll feel better about yourself, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition will look good on your CV.
Aries (March 21 - April 19): Sometimes it feels like your mind is tearing you in all different directions - one moment you are as horny as a teenager and the next you are swearing like a trucker. Is life imitating art à la United States of Tara? No, you're just going through menopause, so for everyone at the agency's sake, please get some hormone therapy.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20): The Screen Actors Guild leadership is divided on whether to vote for a strike, but you are clearly in favor of pulling out of negotiations to get higher wages. While this might be at odds with your moderate-leaning peers, they don't have to worry about your vote because you haven't paid dues since your two-episode arc on ALF.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21): The career of Lauryn Hill, your fellow Gemini, will show you a possible, but not suggested lifepath this week. Though your limited body of work is strong, and you have made attempts to return to the spotlight, you are starting to enter weirdness territory. Produce something significant soon or risk being permanently compared to Axl Rose.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22): Everyone knows that work sucks, but you need to hold onto your editing job at that struggling production company. Start coming in earlier, leaving later, being more efficient with your time, and stop dressing as a different Watchmen character every day of the week. Just the body-painted Doctor Manhattan get-up was way more than grounds for termination.
Leo (July 23 - August 22): Ever since your assistant accepted that pay cut, she has been more bitter and lethargic than normal. Reward her loyalty by letting her get something for herself when she picks up your lunch. You'll look like a nice boss, and she'll have enough energy to roll calls for seven more hours.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22): Today we memorialize Martin Luther King, Jr., who gave his impassioned "I have a dream" speech that inspired generations of Americans to choose equality over hatred. Coincidentally, you also have a dream, but as it involves management and negotiating skills you could never hope to possess, you should probably keep that ambition to open up your own talent agency to yourself.
Libra (September 23 - October 23): Libra is governed by the Seventh House, but it's your home that preoccupies you this week. The studio might be paying you good money to shoot scenes all over the house and backyard, but when your property is forever known as "where the Bromance contestants lived," you might see a drop in resale value.
Scorpio (October 24 - November 21): Shooting a film in 3-D can be expensive, but it will make the audience enjoy your work on a more visceral level. While it's been a struggle to find ways to work in projectiles and bodily fluids flying at the audience, it will all pay off in the end when critics label your adaptation of Pride & Prejudice "groundbreaking."
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): Not to scare you, but your economic difficulties are only going to worsen over the next two years. This doesn't mean you should give up the acting dream, however. Continue to audition and keep your voice and body in-shape, just make sure to find a low-carb bread line.