We Doubt They Applied For Financial Aid

It was a beautiful day in Los Angeles, but we were stranded in the scary area of Park City where some liar told us Joaquin Phoenix would be officially joining the Wu-Tang Clan.

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Gossip Girl [8 PM, CW] - The chauffeured town cars will be breaking all sorts of speed laws this week as the early admission letters arrive from Yale for our favorite UES'ers. Serena (Blake Lively) gets to know a new teacher (guest star Laura Breckenridge) who gives Blair (Leighton Meester) her first B. Nate (Chace Crawford) and Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) go to the opera. Is this going to be the 90210 that tweens of today will be nostalgically referencing in ten years? We don't think the world will last past 2012, so, no.

We Are One: The Obama Inaugural Celebration at the Lincoln Memorial [9:30 PM, HBO] - If you missed HBO's online broadcast yesterday, check it out tonight. Featuring performances by U2, John Legend, The Boss, Stevie Wonder, Shakira, Ursher and Herbie Hancock, this is just the start of the Democrats rubbing how bad-ass their friends are in everyone's face. Tomorrow's the main event, of course, but HBO needed to get some part of the action.

TiVo

We Doubt They Applied For Financial Aid

Bromance [8 PM, MTV] - If the producers were desperate enough to keep unpredictable Femi around for another week in spite of his classic stalker move of getting a similar last name tattoo on his obliques, then we are desperate to TiVo this and hope some actual violence occurs. Tonight, each bro-in-training must confront a biker in the parking lot of a biker bar before going camping with Brody. In other Jenner news, he told Howard Stern last Tuesday that he is almost ready to settle down: "I've had four at one time, to be honest...it's a lot of work." We think he is talking about girlfriends, but we'll leave it to your imagination.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno [11:35 PM, NBC] - Dave's a rerun tonight, so switching over to catch Jimmy Fallon applying the full-court press in advance of his March 2 debut will not be a cardinal sin. A venial sin, yes, but God won't hate you for it.

KILL

We Doubt They Applied For Financial Aid

Will Work For Food [8:30 PM, Food] - We never hate on a brother for getting a gig, especially in the competitive world of cable food television, but it's difficult to be artful about our annoyance with Will Work For Food. In this new series, The Next Food Network Star runner-up Adam Gertler goes behind the scenes of difficult, strenuous, glamorous or weird food-related jobs (bartender, cranberry bogger, butcher) and attempts to do them as well as the actual employees who work those tough gigs, doing it all with the humor he showed on TNFNS. Hey, that sounds like Dirty Jobs. Wait, that sounds a lot like Dirty Jobs. Hold the phone, that is Dirty Jobs! In tonight's series premiere, Adam helps a Maine lobsterman and a beekeeper in Southern California with their daily work. Those jobs sound dirty, right?