Obama Tries to Fix GuantanamoS

Barack Obama's first actual act as president did not disappoint! (He will save disappointment for his next hundred officials acts, obv.) He suspended all the Guantanamo circus "trials"!

President Obama promised to close Guantanamo during the presidential campaign, but of course that's a bit of a can of worms, because all those random "Taliban" farmer idiots and the actually dangerous al-Qaeda members and the dudes who owed a CIA informant money have all been mingling and radicalizing as we've detained and tortured everyone out in our little unconstitutional summer camp for a couple years. So now they're all ready to kill some Americans, should we release them, which we probably have to because we have no way to legally prosecute even the ones who are actually guilty of crimes.

Obama Tries to Fix Guantanamo

So Obama ordered "a 120-day suspension of legal proceedings involving detainees at the naval base at Guantanamo Bay," though the pretrial hearings for Khalid Sheik Mohammed and some others are still going on. This gives Obama time to figure out what to do with these people, other than send them into quasi-legal netherworlds of military tribunals based on evidence gathered by illegal means (torture yay!).

There's no good end to this story of course, but hey we have a president who is actually familiar with the constitution now, at least.