'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit

Listen up, Mary Rambin and all other poor suckers who believe that magical herbal detoxes, fasts, or colonics will somehow "cleanse" your system of "toxins": they don't, okay. So stop buying them. Jesus.

Nonsociety VP of fameballism Rambin told us, of her penchant for videoblogging her own colonics: " The procedure is certainly not 'unnecessary'... Our bodies store so many toxins from food (pesticides, chemicals, preservatives) and our bodies were not made to process and flush them out. We need help."

Yes, you need help.(She's actually shilling Blueprint Cleanse still, today). In a flabbergasting development, the Times Style section has actually published a useful article today, gently debunking this entire fraudulent industry:

"It is the opinion of mainstream and state-of-the-art medicine and physiology that these claims are not only ludicrous but tantamount to fraud," said Dr. Peter Pressman, an internist with the Naval Hospital in Jacksonville, Fla., and a critic of detoxification. "The contents of what ends up being consumed during a ‘detox' are essentially stimulants, laxatives and diuretics."

Would you like another quote from this highly qualified physician, who may, in contrast to purveyors of 'Cleanses,' know about science and stuff?

"There is absolutely no scientific basis for the assertion that the regimens popularly defined as ‘detox' will augment the body's own capacity for identifying and eliminating your own metabolic wastes or doing the same for environmental toxins," Dr. Pressman said. "I advise patients that these detox programs amount to a large quantity of excrement, both literally and figuratively."

But hey, what about your cousin who lost 15 pounds doing the Master Cleanse and drinking nothing but lemonade and cayenne pepper for ten days?!?!?! Well, if you go on a diet consisting solely of a few glasses of juice per day—any juice—you too will lose weight. Magic. [NYT]

Not only are these things utter ripoffs, they're wearying to hear about. It's all either yapping about juice, which makes the yapper sound like a credulous new age fool, or yapping about intestines, which is just disgusting. Our fameballs would entertain us much more effectively with a six week program of THIS:

'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': BullshitS




UPDATE: Mary Rambin writes us, in response:

Detox can be different than cleansing. The NYT article is right about Health Food Stores selling nonsense in a bottle with diuretics. That is what the experts are talking about. You won't find a single doctor who will say it's harmful to your health to blend up lettuce. With these organic cleanses, companies like BluePrint and Organic Avenue are extracting the vitamins and minerals of produce to make juices and smoothies. Furthermore, instead of causing more movement, sometimes they can stop you up. Hence the colonic that also helps flush out the toxins and crap that adheres to the walls of your colon on a daily basis.

Furthermore, I lost maybe a pound on my most recent cleanse. Someone with a little more to lose might see weight loss as a benefit, but for me, it's all about getting my healthy diet back on track.

And finally, at least link to the video and TMIweekly so people can hear our side of the story, not just the shit you're spouting. You do trust them to make a decision for themselves, right?