Hello, my name is Joshua David Stein. There is much to discuss about last night's episode of Top Chef. So let's get down to it.

Restaurant wars, restaurant whores, wanton cheaters in front of camera eye, displeased eaters. Who? <a href="

Leah and Hosea Consummate Their Dumbpoop Romance

"This guy! Who among us hasn't been racked with excitement for restaurant wars, a challenge Colicchio claims "the most popular"? Spectacular failures, moments of success, hubris, hubbub and humping have, by tradition, been amplified during the challenge. Last night was no disappointment.

After winning the Quickfire challenge, Radhika and Leah became the chef/owners in these hypothetical restaurants. Conceptually Radhika's restaurant was stronger, if not gurglingly predictable. Her restaurant, Sahana, was Indian-ish and centered around "Old Spice Market." Leah has only one thing on her mind and that we shall come to shortly. Stefan, who undercuts his arrogance with being absolutely adorable and by far the most talented, comes up with the name "Sunset Lounge," which sounds, to me, like a bar where women take off their clothes to expose their breasts while dancing around a pole on a stage and later, if you want and have money to pay for it, take you back into a small poorly lit room where the darkness hides their wrinkles and C-section scars and where they either dance naked some more or perform sex acts to you. The main features of these bars—tits, scary guys, sadness and ATMs with usurious service fees—don't seem to lend themselves to a "global Asian bistro" or whatever errant pablum Leah came up with. She has only one thing on her mind, I've said that twice, and it now we fully see how debilitating her obsession with Hosea's hose really is.

Hosea and Leah went to Brooklyn where they found themselves in the midst of a hissing cauldron of lust. Cupidity, stupidity, and the world watching was too much for either of them to resist. So—despite professing love for their off-screen paramours—they engaged in what could only be called lights on humping. Later they felt bad. And well they should for they "muddied the stream of friendship with the filth of lewdness and clouded its clear waters with hell's black river of lust." Hosea explains, "We flirted too much last night." Huh! Leah tears up and says she's never done this before. Double huh! We—viewers at home—were skeeved out and discussed how best to apportion blame. Is Leah more guilty because, as is well known, men are weak and she is pretty? Surely she must know her coquetry and cuddling will end in cuckoldry. Simply put, Leah let her irresistible need for affection and a man's attention lead her down a path where she potentially mucked up four lives—hers, his, his she and her he. Or perhaps Hosea is more to blame for he seems cooler and more capable. Whereas Leah is saddled by her own idiocy, which she can't forsake or resist but also which she didn't choose, Hosea chose her, idiocy included.

Radhika deserved to go home for her lack of leadership in the restaurant wars. But, wee tim'rous beastie she is, she goes home with no shame. Leah and Hosea may stay on—for how much longer no one knows. I suspect the situation will become untenable—but though they remain, they stay on shame and ignominy.

[Awesome Video: Awesome Mike Byhoff]