Caroline Kennedy's New, Secret Reason For Dropping Out

Could Caroline Kennedy have given us any clearer indication of her lack of qualifications for the Senate than her disastrous exit from the race? Here is the (new!) alleged timeline of her decisionmaking process:

You can read the entire, tortured string of previous fake reasons given for her decision to drop out in this exhaustive post. She was dropping out because she wasn't going to get picked; no, it was because Teddy Kennedy was so sick; no, the Kennedy camp says that's an outrageous smear; no, now she's back to dropping out. The latest word from her aides is that it all went down like this:

  • Two days ago: "in the early afternoon, 1 o'clock some time around that time . . . became aware of a personal situation that she determined was going to inhibit her ability to perform a job that obviously takes 24 hours a day, 7 days a week advocating on behalf of New York."
  • Governor David Paterson says, hey, why don't you take 24 hours to think it over? She says okay.
  • "Shortly after, the Kennedy aide said, word began spreading that she was pulling out. Kennedy spent the evening thinking about what to do and finally late last night called the governor to say she decided to pull out."

So that's what happened, allegedly, according to quite reliable inside sources! Elsewhere, Teddy Kennedy's camp is said to be super pissed that Caroline tried to use her uncle's health as an excuse, because "It makes him look like he is at death's door," and could undermine his authority in the Senate. Hence this new, undisclosed "personal reason" that made her drop out. So what could that be?

—She is, freakishly, pregnant?
—Her kid is on drugs?
—An illegal nanny?
—A last-minute blackmail by shady forces?
—A big fat lie.

The truth will come out. [Pic via]