Jan 23, 2009 10:58 AM
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New York, 6:20 PM
Tue Feb 9
57 posts in the last 24 hours
There's no War on Terror! John McCain is a maverick! Hooray: 2000 is back! September 11th never happened.
America apparently forgot about 9/11, because President Obama is rolling back all the important and effective new national security policies of the Bush administration, like secret CIA prisons and extraordinary rendition of uncharged terrorism suspects to foreign countries where they'll be conveniently tortured. And he's closing Guantanamo! This means there is no more "War on Terror," and we lost, because there is still terror, obviously—specifically we are still terrified of bats, and the very real possibility that there will never be an Arrested Development movie. (Curse you, Cera!)
As the Washington Post points out, we can all retreat back into this pre-9/11 fairy tale of not needing to betray the fundamental principles of law and order and the founding document of the country because those unconstitutional policies kept us safe enough to, as we said, forget about 9/11. Welcome back, 2000! We're psyched to use Napster again!
Oh, also it being 2000 again means that Senator John McCain of Arizona is a maverick, and liberals and journalists can all love him, again. He is a "maverick" because he bucked his party and demanded the confirmation of Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State. The balls on him! Only all the other Republican senators excepting two actual mavericks had the guts to do that!
This is what is so wonderful about being back in 2000—we can go back to our comforting naivety and unquestioning acceptance of established political narratives. John McCain is a maverick, adhering to the Constitution is a luxury of safe times, and Gladiator is a great movie.
Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.
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