It was a week of sex, of scandal, of stepping down and stepping up. A week of drinking, a week of not sleeping. And a week, most of all, of changing.
- Bells were ringing and angels were singing and lots and lots of people were praying, because Barack Obama became our president! And look, he's bringing so many hotties with him to the White House. The hottest of all, as it turns out, is Rahm Emanuel. Until he stabs you.
- Potential Washington hottie Caroline Kennedy stared down her family history and said, bravely against the wind, "This... ends... here!" Crazy. But why did she do it? Probably to avoid future dog attacks.
- Speaking of positions of great authority, the Mayor of
AlbuquerquePortland is boffing a porn star. Speaking of boffing, Dan's totally gonna do it with the hot teacher. And those two dumbpoops from Top Chef? They basically already did it.
- Oscar nominations! Who will win the glittery awards? Definitely not Tom Cruise.
- After all those Inaugural Balls, Obama was probably one drunken negro. Diane Sawyer was one
drunkenjust tired! white lady. Anderson Cooper was drunkjust tired! too.
- Downstaters, meet Kirsten Gillibrand. Fashion, meet Finance (again).
- Remember when we mentioned people boffing? We promise we weren't talking about the Obamas. Or were we??
- Eventually all the white people disappeared. But everyone seemed too happy to notice.