Useless middle managers, desperate to stay busy and avoid layoffs, are coming up with ever dumber corporate responses to the recession. We will discover and mock them all, with your assistance.

Martha Stewart is trying to pass off her company's authoritarian pen-limiting policy as a cost cutting measure. Even more breathtakingly pointless, at Nielsen Business Media—after "the Nielsen Executive Council (NEC) held an Act Now! event to review suggestions from across the business that would eliminate bureaucracy and inefficiency"—employees can no longer use the 'Reply All' function. It's being disabled to reduce "inbox clutter" and increase robo-effiency, a move that was announced in a companywide email.

Here in our office they seem to be purchasing cheap lotion soap with an excessively citrus-y aroma.

Everyone is suffering. We know, gentle readers, that many of you corporate drones work in offices where equally asinine measures have been taken. We need you to email us with the dumbest recession-curing moves your company has made. Please include the company name (we'll keep you personally anonymous), and forwarding of internal memos is greatly encouraged.

Together we will laugh at our superiors. Write in now.