Ashlee Simpson Wonders How Anyone Can Find Her Sister Fat Now That Obama Is President

The widely circulated images of confusing-exercise-video survivor Jessica Simpson at a Florida chili festival probably weren't what the singer had in mind when she recently told a handler, "I wanna be big again!"

But weight fluctuations have long been a solid fallback plan for any marginally talented multihyphenate, providing a self-sustaining series of back-from-the-chubby-abyss inspirational People cover stories and lucrative Jenny Craig endorsements. (For a case study on how it's done right, look no further than Jennifer Love Hewitt, who emerged triumphant from a national discourse on ass-hang and cellulite-ratios to become the poster child for the You-Go-Girl Generation of stars proud of their bodies, but not proud enough to keep the weight on.) Yes, Simpson should be—and likely is—thanking her lucky muffin-top we're discussing her at all.

But that's not to say that any of it is right. It's terrible! Why can't we let her be? She is zaftig woman, hear her roar. In fact, in this age of Obama, shouldn't we have better things to talk about, asks Bronx-nursing sibling Ashlee on her MySpace page:

Since when did a woman's weight become newsworthy...

I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.

All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard.

Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend?

I seriously doubt it.

How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?

Now can we focus on the things that really matter.

-Ash

Sure, President Obama might have become the go-to argument for anything bothering celebrities these days ("I really don't understand how audiences can afford to skip Inkheart when Obama is giving hope to millions..."), but there's something about family members leaping to each other's defense, however misguided the reasoning, that warms our heart—particularly when their own manager has yet to weigh in publicly on the controversy, choosing instead to express his feelings in a text message to his #2 money-maker reading, "Just look hot again, Jssica, and I'll <3 you like be-4. Just looking out 4 ur best interests. <3, dad."