Obama So Far Stimulating Decades-Old Arguments

Guys have you heard about this stimulus bill? It is made up entirely of $1 trillion dollars spent on sex, filthy unreproductive sex!

For days, until a CIA officer raped some women, Drudge headlines were all about how the stimulus bill will fund STD prevention and, uh, birth control. (Well, not anymore!) Looks like it's all about stimulating something other than the economy, right?

What it's actually about stimulating, of course, is THE CULTURE WARS. Rush Limbaugh is relevant again, yay! The "spending too much money we don't have" argument against economic stimulus doesn't work because a) the GOP just spent 8 years doing that and b) no one besides the ideological Republicans care? This isn't a trillion dollars going to CORPORATE FATCATS, it's going to, like, everyone! And everyone would like this money, please! So the only way to galvanize support for obstructionism is to fan those dying flames of sexual puritanism. Obama will teach your little girl how condoms work and then she'll... not get pregnant? Which will save you money, as Nancy Pelosi pointed out, which got her in trouble.

And now liberals are starting in on the ol' "like it or lump it" argument. We won the election, so what we say goes! There's something so... uncouth about that sort of thing. Oh, sure, we all say we wish our liberal leaders were hard-nosed political hatchet-men who got things done like we used to think the Republicans were, but it's so unliberal, isn't it? So Barack Obama is working very hard to make his bill palatable to Senate Republicans. (House Republicans are basically shit out of luck, which is why they're being the most annoying, at the moment.)

And, oh god, it's all feeling like Clinton again, except with someone way better at managing Congress in charge.

Anyway Barack Obama is going to TAX AND SPEND our way out of this, and he will TAX you to SPEND on ABORTION and FLAG-BURNING.