The real Coachella lineup was announced last night. It features many of the acts on the fake list Ryan Seacrest was selling (along with blowjobs) for five bucks in an alley off Yucca all week.

Namely, Paul McCartney will indeed be headlining, on Friday night, the same night Morrissey will be playing. Paul fucking McCartney and Morri fucking ssey. Same stage, same day. Amy Winehouse was a nice surprise—we thought she wasn't allowed on U.S. shores ever since she freebased her visa—as was The Cure (though they kind of put us to sleep the year Radiohead blew our brains out our ears) and My Bloody Valentine.

Other acts of note: Leonard Cohen, Conor Oberst, TV on the Radio, MSTRKRFT, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Antony & the Johnsons, and X. We lost Katy Perry, but gained a Steve Aoki. Death-cheating TRAV$DJ-AM are on the Saturday bill.

And the rumored Britney Spears appearance never panned out.