- So. Let's meet the new bosses. They're so pretty!
- This week in "really annoying people": Famous internet lady Hillary Roland, who is having a fantastic time on Necker Island! Those people who buy their kids internships! M.I.A.! And everyone at Davos! Oh, and who can forget this week's winners of the "people who should really probably flee the country when the revolution comes" award, the DABA girls.
- The media died, this week, again, like it does every week. All because you didn't do your damn dishes. Please do the dishes and then email at least five editors about it.
- This week in Scientology: it turned Katie Holmes yellow, just like it did to this famous child actor.
- Our feud with Martha Stewart is heating up! We're going to go to her offices and write her notes in blue ink.
- Something tragic and macabre happened in Detroit. Oh, and American Apparel is bankrupt. And Padma dressed up like a Miller Lite Girl!
- Some guy did a bunch of coke and drank and bunch of beer and updated his Facebook and then he killed some guy, so basically be careful out there this weekend, guys.