Gaunt Jewish mysticist Madonna is bringing her Guy-less brood back to New York where she looks to ruin the marriage of Brooklyn Cyclone's mascot Sandy the Seagull. [ES]
Guess who played a refugee in yesterday's Refugee Run? Why, unhinged entrepreneur Richard Branson, obviously! He even visited a "mock refugee camp," where presumably courses like "How to Imitate a Gazan" and "Yo' Mama Snaps for IDPs" were offered. [NYP]
Sad houseplant Jennifer Aniston's "house" is under "construction" and has been for "two years." [Star]
Non-actress Renee Zellweger wore a red dress and did that annoying thing with her mouth, part smile/part grimace/part glower, before an appearance on the David Letterman Show. [Sun]
Breasts Jessica Alba admitted the obvious and was photographed attending acting lessons. Congrats, Jessica A., the first step to solving a problem is realizing you have one! [Wenn]
Page Six Magazine folded like one of those origami fortune-tellers—that is, in quarters—so I am guest-blogging this weekend to make some dough.