When ensnared in a vagina-kicking crisis of international proportions, celebrities have limited options: Either turn to the amateurs, or turn to us. Nikki Blonsky knows exactly what we're talking about.
Sure, she could have turned to 2008 Flacky Honorees like Elliot Mintz or Jonathan Jaxson. But then there's the risk of Jaxson going on TV and telling metro Atlanta the secret, savory family recipe to the Blonsky Sandwich served up last summer in Turks and Caicos, where Nikki and her dad wound up arrested after an airport brawl with America's Next Top Model castoff Bianca Golden. What's the point, right? Nikki's swift boot into Golden's mother's crotch speaks for itself — both literally and spiritually, culminating today in the warm, united Blonsky front we sagely advised months ago:
"We are a very strong family, we love each other and nothing will ever tear us down,” Blonsky told People Saturday night. [...] "I don’t even need to defend myself. It’s pretty obvious that it was just a big scam.” [...]
"He's a strong man. He is my hero because he showed me that no matter what happens in life you can make it through," Blonsky says of her father.
True, he still faces assault charges back at the scene of the crime. But if his (allegedly) violent airport chair-commandeering technique alone can attract this much respect, imagine how much more resilient an influence he'll provide upon actually doing time. Even Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright could — and maybe should — learn a thing or two from this.