Coldplay Favored To Collect Multiple Grammys, Subpoenas This Weekend

The moody pop/performance-art troupe Coldplay is getting ready for one of the biggest weekends of its career, rehearsing Grammy acceptance speeches even as its members prepare to dodge Joe Satriani's legal wrath.

Satriani is reportedly still upset about the British quartet's "Viva La Vida," which boasts a curiously similar melody to one of the guitar icon's '90s masterworks. The ensuing controversy — complete with fan-cultivated evidence and Coldplay leader Chris Martin's infamous "Moe Batriani" kiss-off — had subsided and was thought settled in Wanker Court or wherever such tussles are typically resolved.

But now we know Satriani, like a snake lurking in the tall, think awards-season grass, was simply priming his legal minions for a spectacular sneak attack. Behold — the Grambush:

[A]ttorney Howard King of King Paterno et al [...] claims that Coldplay has dodged being served, and that the Grammys are the easiest forum at which to strike while the iron is hot.

King says, "We have warned their British lawyers that we have hired a fleet of process servers lined up to dog the band everywhere they go this weekend in the hopes of serving them."

King even promises to have camera crews roaming around with the process servers to get the whole thing on tape.

Finally! A reason to watch the Grammys. Still, the strategy seems to entail a lot of work that could probably be consolidated into a single incident like the one that befell Bob Dylan in 1998, with the stage-crashing antics of "Soy Bomb" upgraded to involve four process servers with subpoenas painted in fine print on their bare chests. Either that, or Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift can lyrically duet the documents in the band's direction in a 10-minute awardscast filibuster. Either/or, we'll take whatever.