The spritely, genial season of The Real World: Brooklyn ambles on. Last night we watched Scotty seduce ladies, Chet seduce Pete Wentz, and Ryan get seduced, sorta, by New York. The girls were there too.
Little Scotty Mouthbreather has broken up with Marisa, the girl he left cold and snowy back in New England. She tills the fallow, rocky fields in vain and stares off toward Sturbridge, hoping he'll return, his buckle shoes shined to a bright glow. But he won't. He's left for New Amsterdam and shan't return again. Sad. But anyway, the newly-single Scotty has decided that he's going to start dating a lot of girls because at his age that's what you're supposed to do. You know, sow your wild oats. While your ex-girlfriend Marisa literally sows oats back at the barren New Hampshire farm where you've abandoned her. She prays nightly that the whooping cough will come and take her to Heaven.
Scotty's new lothario personality both confuses, delights, and annoys his roommates. Chet Chetterson is sort of awed but insanely jealous of him. So jealous, in fact, that he audibly farted in one lady's presence just to make everyone uncomfortable. He also made a list of Scotty's dating strategies, which involve showing the lurvely ladies his modeling pictures. When ribbed for this dopey behavior, Scotty got mad and clammed up like the actual clams that poor Marisa digs through the cold, wet sand to find, only to haul a whole sack of them the four miles back to the farm on foot. May the goode Lord Above swiftly end her pains.
Perhaps the most upset by and obsessed with the whole dating affair was Devyn, our beauty queen from KC. You might remember that Devs totally dug (digs?) the little musclebound Chippendale's hopeful. But then she saw the picture of a plain, ruddy woman standing alone in a meadow in her Sunday best, the cold sun illuminating the folds of her simple, long black dress. That was Marisa, Scott said, and they were dating. So Devyn backed off. But now that Scotty is single, Devyn would like to hump up ons. So why is Scotty dating other girls?? Specifically, other black girls? He's totes trying to make her jealous, isn't he??? That's her reasoning, anyway. I don't think it's very sound. Maybe Scotty just has a penchant for darker-skinned women. In a weary letter from the North, Marisa told us to "look up that mulatto child in Concord. Scotthew's surely responsible for that pox on societie." (Marisa may be dying a sad and slow pilgrimy death in the winters of the Nor'east, but she's also, you know, sort of a racist.) In the end, nothing was really resolved. I guess Devyn/Scotty 'shippers will have to wait for another episode for a resolution to this dramz.
Up next was Chet Chetterson's little tale. He wants to be some sort of on-air personality. Someone cool and respected, like Carson Daly or Idalis. Ideally he wanted to host Total Request Live, a call-in show for teens and the people who want to better understand them so they can infiltrate their social networks to either bust a big drug ring or molest them. But! ZOMs! When poor little blonde Chet went to 1515 Broadway he found out that.......... TRL was canceled. So Chet shot himself. And by "shot himself" I mean put himself... in front... of a... camera. [thud] Yeah he got some lame job interviewing lame bands. He asked questions about sex and stuff, which is fitting because he is head over heels obsessed with what in-between-the-legs-parts do when they get near each other. (Do they explode? Can bears smell them better? Jesus?)
But then he got the biggest coup of his burgeoning non-career. The rumply producer guy, who previously chastised Chet for "making fun of" some dopey band, said he could get Chet an interview with none other than Peter Jemimah Jenkins Wentz. From that band, "Panic! At the Fallout Mouse." Or whatever! It was fitting because Angels & Kings, a bar that Jemimah Jenkins built with his own two well-moisturized hands, is the only place that the RW kids go in Manhattan, other than Elmo. Soooooooo, Chet got dressed up like 1) Orville Redenbacher (which is what his roommates, chiefly Ryan, said) 2) Tucker Carlson's magick twink protector daemon 3) a 1920's lesbian or 4) all of the above. The correct answer is actually 5) a dingus. So off he went all be-bowtied and dingusy to interview the equally dingusy but far less bowtied Pete Wentz. The interview went as well as that kind of hellfire-forged interview can go and Chet imagined that this is what no-no special place to no-no special place touching action feels like. Like Pete Wentz being nice to you. He's actually not far off.
There was Ryan's storyline too, about his time in Iraq and the people he saw killed and an army buddy who came to New York for some September 11th commemoration events. And, you know, I've nothing funny or insightful to say about that, really. A bunch of kids headed off into the desert a few years ago and some got lost and were never found again. Even if they came home, sometimes. And that's a sad and big and mysterious thing and MTV, so far, has handled the subject soberly without pandering or sensationalizing. It's akin to the best installments of their True Life series. So good for them on that.
At the very end of the episode, Scotty got an envelope in the mail. He recognized the hard, earthy scrawl instantly. Inside the envelope was a daguerreotype of a steamship. He flipped it over and there, signed on the back, was a simple "M."
And he knew she was gone.